Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I deserves it!
~Love needs sacrifice.If you never sacrifice,you know you don't love that person enough!~
if you ever leave me,i deserves it!you have all the good reasons in the world to do so!!
if you ever leave me,i deserves it!you have all the good reasons in the world to do so!!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Im just too sick...so sick....*&%$ sick...so please stop it!!!!!!!!
I don't to care but i guess i still care because right now i'm having this funny feeling inside!padahal by right i should get used to it.come on laaa i've been facing bende2 mcm nih dari mula bergaul dgn org luar and mula faham bahasa,meaning mula paham apa yg org kata!so basically dr umur i 4-5 tahun la kot.tp until now masih blum really bleh bt selamba,susah beb.tp org2 nih sume tak penah tau.tambahan zaman kecik2 dulu lg la macam2 tp people don't understand only family jelah yg faham sbb each and everyone of us sure wajib kne.padahal bkn ape pon!i malas nk crite lah tp if pikir balik,mmg sgt tak fair and if ikutkan hati i just want to curse them!mmg tak fair sbbnye i tak penah kacau org2 nih and apalagi menyakitkan hati dorang but why u have to sakitkan hati i sesakit-sakitnya and do u have any idea how does it feels?yeah,u don't know sbb u tak perasan pon yg i terasa or sakit hati or makan hati.how can u sleep at night when ada org yg menangis,hilang self-esteem,hate themself and feel inferior sbb
u?if u tak puas hati or rasa pelik sgt,go and ask GOD lah!it's a very sensitive issue and so i think i shouldn't further comment about this.but to those people nih why can't u be a bit sensitive towards other people's feelings?after all,some of them nih bkn calang2 org kan?bijak pandai,professional,alim,warak,doctor,lawyer,professor,engineer,
cleaner,janitor,driver,ustazah,ustaz,cakap je,sume i dah kne!so why cant u guna kelebihan/kepakaran anda bukan sahaja dalam perkara berkaitan your field je tp untuk create suatu pemikiran yg lebih open.dan before u can do that,please define 'open-minded' appropriately.ramai org yg claim themself open-minded tp adakah mereka btul open-minded?
~some people are too open-minded that their brains fall out!~
u don't have to go clubbing,reveal as many flesh,drink,smoke,practice pre-marital sex and etc to become an open-minded person.to me, from the word open-minded tu u dah bleh define it.open your mind to as many thing as possible but not necessarily u have to accept everything.brape ramai yg claim themself open-minded padahal punyelah kuat meng-judge org lain dan kehidupan org lain.brape ramai drp golongan yg so-called open minded ni yg tak bleh terima org yg lain daripada mereka.klau dorang open-minded sgt,then i don't have to through this fucking hell dulu and now,okkk...i think the bottom line is don't be judgmental and of course jgn lah sesekali bias!if anda bias,don't ever call yourself an open-minded person!
mungkin u all tak perasan sbb to u all it's nothing but u all do not know what damage u all had caused.why make my life miserable sbb something yg i can never change?yes something yg mmg sama skali tak boleh diubah walau bt ape sekali pon!physical takde hal,bleh ubah punye tp ini mmg tak bleh ubah!so tell me now is this fair?tell me!!!lagi susah nk terima bile org2 ni adalah dari kalangan org2 yg i look up upon.org2 yg i respect akan kepakaran/kelebihan mereka...susah nk terima...sgt susah nk terima!tp takpelah,at least sy tak sakitkan hati org lain...and i still respect them lah sbb walaupon bende ni agak menggangu emosi tp ia still adalah something yg petty!mungkin jugak wpon slalu kne berdepan dgn situasi mcm nih tp GOD IS GREAT!!sbbnye perasaan down/sakit hati tu tak lama...
but then,sometimes i just feel like migrating!!!
u?if u tak puas hati or rasa pelik sgt,go and ask GOD lah!it's a very sensitive issue and so i think i shouldn't further comment about this.but to those people nih why can't u be a bit sensitive towards other people's feelings?after all,some of them nih bkn calang2 org kan?bijak pandai,professional,alim,warak,doctor,lawyer,professor,engineer,
cleaner,janitor,driver,ustazah,ustaz,cakap je,sume i dah kne!so why cant u guna kelebihan/kepakaran anda bukan sahaja dalam perkara berkaitan your field je tp untuk create suatu pemikiran yg lebih open.dan before u can do that,please define 'open-minded' appropriately.ramai org yg claim themself open-minded tp adakah mereka btul open-minded?
~some people are too open-minded that their brains fall out!~
u don't have to go clubbing,reveal as many flesh,drink,smoke,practice pre-marital sex and etc to become an open-minded person.to me, from the word open-minded tu u dah bleh define it.open your mind to as many thing as possible but not necessarily u have to accept everything.brape ramai yg claim themself open-minded padahal punyelah kuat meng-judge org lain dan kehidupan org lain.brape ramai drp golongan yg so-called open minded ni yg tak bleh terima org yg lain daripada mereka.klau dorang open-minded sgt,then i don't have to through this fucking hell dulu and now,okkk...i think the bottom line is don't be judgmental and of course jgn lah sesekali bias!if anda bias,don't ever call yourself an open-minded person!
mungkin u all tak perasan sbb to u all it's nothing but u all do not know what damage u all had caused.why make my life miserable sbb something yg i can never change?yes something yg mmg sama skali tak boleh diubah walau bt ape sekali pon!physical takde hal,bleh ubah punye tp ini mmg tak bleh ubah!so tell me now is this fair?tell me!!!lagi susah nk terima bile org2 ni adalah dari kalangan org2 yg i look up upon.org2 yg i respect akan kepakaran/kelebihan mereka...susah nk terima...sgt susah nk terima!tp takpelah,at least sy tak sakitkan hati org lain...and i still respect them lah sbb walaupon bende ni agak menggangu emosi tp ia still adalah something yg petty!mungkin jugak wpon slalu kne berdepan dgn situasi mcm nih tp GOD IS GREAT!!sbbnye perasaan down/sakit hati tu tak lama...
but then,sometimes i just feel like migrating!!!
Monday, August 11, 2008
bila ada terlalu banyak bende nk diperkatakan,entry sy akan jd lebih pendek berbanding biasa...
My cousin gave birth to a cute baby boy on 08.08.08!Welcome to the world,boy...
My friend got engaged on the same day.She was so beautiful on that day and I was fooled by my camera.I thought i had transfer all the pictures into my pendrive last night but this morning, i couldn't open the folder!and i'm not sure whether those pictures are still being stored in the memory card or not.sakit hati betoii!!!
Went to watch dark knight yesterday after unsuccessful attempt to watch it last week.The movie was.......do i have to comment?tak payah kan?ada ke org yg rasa crite tu tak best?i nk gi tgk lg skali...
My friend got engaged on the same day.She was so beautiful on that day and I was fooled by my camera.I thought i had transfer all the pictures into my pendrive last night but this morning, i couldn't open the folder!and i'm not sure whether those pictures are still being stored in the memory card or not.sakit hati betoii!!!
Went to watch dark knight yesterday after unsuccessful attempt to watch it last week.The movie was.......do i have to comment?tak payah kan?ada ke org yg rasa crite tu tak best?i nk gi tgk lg skali...
i'm broke...
okay here's the situation;
I applied for the scholarship last November.It was stated in the form that application considered fail if applicant do not receive any feedback after 3 months from the closing date.The closing date was 30th November.
Until February,I still haven't receive any feedback and and had called them.I was told that they had not process the applications as their system got hacked
I was called to attend the interview on April
On june i got the offer letter
I'm suppose to sign an agreement before they can bank in the money but until now they have not send it
I called them up this morning and was told that they have not start sending the agreement and....that will take another 2 weeks..ok lahh kan...guess what?the money will be banked in 3 months after signing the agreement!so now tell me how *&^%$$%^^&***& that is!!!!don't they know that i'm a pauper already?
Today my motivational level is so low that it's touching the ground but it's not all because of the money...
I applied for the scholarship last November.It was stated in the form that application considered fail if applicant do not receive any feedback after 3 months from the closing date.The closing date was 30th November.
Until February,I still haven't receive any feedback and and had called them.I was told that they had not process the applications as their system got hacked
I was called to attend the interview on April
On june i got the offer letter
I'm suppose to sign an agreement before they can bank in the money but until now they have not send it
I called them up this morning and was told that they have not start sending the agreement and....that will take another 2 weeks..ok lahh kan...guess what?the money will be banked in 3 months after signing the agreement!so now tell me how *&^%$$%^^&***& that is!!!!don't they know that i'm a pauper already?
Today my motivational level is so low that it's touching the ground but it's not all because of the money...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
what a small cyberworld huh?!
Saya merasakan bahawa saya tiada life!
actually cyberworld nih pon takde la besar mane pon kan?.ble sy blog hopping,sy jumpe byk interesting blogs (wpon blog2 ini tak di-link ke blog sy,tp sy bc blog mereka everyday)and bc punye bc,rupenye mereka berkawan dgn org yg kenal.sy kenal ramai org,tp sekadar kenal jelah.nk kata kwn2 tu tak adelah kan.I'm a boring person that ble sy kluar/jumpe/ckp/terserempak/etc sesetengah so called kenalan sy nih,sy bleh bleh nampak sinar kebosanan di muka mereka.sy tahu sy kaku dan membosanakan tp apa bleh sy bt?ini diri sy,kalau saya ubah pon ia hanya akan nampak sgt fake and pretentious.tp org2 yg tunjuk sinar kebosanan nih adalah org yg sy admire gaya hidup/cara pembawakan diri mereka...sy cuba jugak bt2 cool,atau weird atau smart atau hilarious atau peramah atau funny tp terasa macam ada pisau kt tepi leher,sgt tak selesa,sgt kaku dan so not me. mungkin penyelesaian terbaik adalah utk jd diri sendiri,tetapi itu bermakna,sy knelah jd kera sumbang!SV juga tunjuk sinar tersebut,hah kan susah tu?jd apakah penyelesaiannye?berubah pon tak selesa dan jd diri sendiri pon seksa sbb i will keep on criticizing myself.
ok berbalik kpd statement di atas tu,sy rasa sy takde life sbb;
ini pula adalah bukti my attempt untuk jd an interesting person tp berjaya ke?
at one point,sy hanye tidak kisah pasal hal2 remeh ini.tak lama dulu,dlm bulan lepas.i was happy with myself and my life had improved.sy mahu tidak kesah semula.sy rasa perasaan ini semacam suatu petanda buruk!sbb dulu2 waktu sy messed up dulu,perasaan inilah yg menjadi pendorongnye.inferiority can ruin your life,trust me!it once ruined mine...and it's haunting me again.
i do not want to feel inferior ever again.
Dear miss INFERIORITY,
I don't need you anymore!i had live with you for too long.I dedicated my life to you but what have you done to me in return?You ruined my life!I was silly to let you control my life.You fooled me into thinking that you are like 'miss down to earth'.you erased the feeling of thankful and grateful from my heart and you even refrained me from being happy and content with myself.it's time to get rid of you!i let you in and so now,i'm going to kick ur ass out of my life!so long miss inferiority!
talking about controlling my life,u pon sama jugak miss fucking superstitious!!get the hell out of my life!!!
alangkah nikmatnye if kte bleh get rid of feelings cara mcm ni.maki and halau them keluar.
masalahnye depa ni bukannye paham bahasa,kata tak skolah kan?the feelings will be there,it will always and forever be in me and with me.so all i can do is to never let these feelings to penetrate my mind and influence me...i have to be more firm with myself...
i'm not being fickle minded here.one minute not ok and in the next pargraph ok and start to motivate diri sendiri.i'm just using this blog as a medium for me to rectify my problems and next find solutions for it.sometimes it works quite well,u know.i guess when everything is being jumbled up in our mind,it's difficult for us to see the clearer picture.just like emptying your fat full pencil case on your table when you are trying to find a dead ant yg tersesat in it.paham tak?sometimes the things yg we make so much fuss tu actually,alahai kecik sgt and not that significant.so what if there's a dead ant in your pencil case,rite?i pon tak paham sgt apa cuba nk sampaikan nih.tulah dah tau tak reti,lg nk guna metaphore.hopefully next time i baca my entry nih i dapatle the message i'm trying to convey here,now...so if miss inferior or miss superstitious ever pays a visit,i can read this entry and i kick them out!amacam ok tak?
actually cyberworld nih pon takde la besar mane pon kan?.ble sy blog hopping,sy jumpe byk interesting blogs (wpon blog2 ini tak di-link ke blog sy,tp sy bc blog mereka everyday)and bc punye bc,rupenye mereka berkawan dgn org yg kenal.sy kenal ramai org,tp sekadar kenal jelah.nk kata kwn2 tu tak adelah kan.I'm a boring person that ble sy kluar/jumpe/ckp/terserempak/etc sesetengah so called kenalan sy nih,sy bleh bleh nampak sinar kebosanan di muka mereka.sy tahu sy kaku dan membosanakan tp apa bleh sy bt?ini diri sy,kalau saya ubah pon ia hanya akan nampak sgt fake and pretentious.tp org2 yg tunjuk sinar kebosanan nih adalah org yg sy admire gaya hidup/cara pembawakan diri mereka...sy cuba jugak bt2 cool,atau weird atau smart atau hilarious atau peramah atau funny tp terasa macam ada pisau kt tepi leher,sgt tak selesa,sgt kaku dan so not me. mungkin penyelesaian terbaik adalah utk jd diri sendiri,tetapi itu bermakna,sy knelah jd kera sumbang!SV juga tunjuk sinar tersebut,hah kan susah tu?jd apakah penyelesaiannye?berubah pon tak selesa dan jd diri sendiri pon seksa sbb i will keep on criticizing myself.
ok berbalik kpd statement di atas tu,sy rasa sy takde life sbb;
- sy tak duduk kt starbucks/dome/coffee bean,bli secawan kopi,snap some photos and masukkan dlm friendster/facebook/etc.bila sy terasa nk minum,sy bli tp bkn everyday/week.once in a blue moon je i would say.sy maseh rasa secawan starbucks daily is too expensive for my lifestyle.
- ble sy tgk baju/sale sy tidaklah teruja mane untuk bli.bleh dikatakan sy,tak reti shopping.sy hanye pegi shopping complex untuk makan/bli toiletries/watch movie
- sy tak ramai kawan and sy takde my own circle of friends.takde,mmg takde.
- sy tak kluar dating dgn my other half slalu.jln2,mcm couple lain.he's too busy i pon susah nk kluar.
- setiap hari sy bgn pagi pegi lab and ptg/mlm balik umah dr lab,mkn & tgk tv kejap and then tido.most of the time,tak tgk tv pon tido je sbb too tired.
- weekend,if tak pegi lab,dok umah tgk tv,masak,or kadang2 pegi ou/curve with my siblings
- sy sgt susah nk biasakan diri dgn org yg sy br kenal or tak rapat.sy lebih suka tarik diri je if tak kenal/tak selesa.
ini pula adalah bukti my attempt untuk jd an interesting person tp berjaya ke?
at one point,sy hanye tidak kisah pasal hal2 remeh ini.tak lama dulu,dlm bulan lepas.i was happy with myself and my life had improved.sy mahu tidak kesah semula.sy rasa perasaan ini semacam suatu petanda buruk!sbb dulu2 waktu sy messed up dulu,perasaan inilah yg menjadi pendorongnye.inferiority can ruin your life,trust me!it once ruined mine...and it's haunting me again.
i do not want to feel inferior ever again.
Dear miss INFERIORITY,
I don't need you anymore!i had live with you for too long.I dedicated my life to you but what have you done to me in return?You ruined my life!I was silly to let you control my life.You fooled me into thinking that you are like 'miss down to earth'.you erased the feeling of thankful and grateful from my heart and you even refrained me from being happy and content with myself.it's time to get rid of you!i let you in and so now,i'm going to kick ur ass out of my life!so long miss inferiority!
talking about controlling my life,u pon sama jugak miss fucking superstitious!!get the hell out of my life!!!
alangkah nikmatnye if kte bleh get rid of feelings cara mcm ni.maki and halau them keluar.
masalahnye depa ni bukannye paham bahasa,kata tak skolah kan?the feelings will be there,it will always and forever be in me and with me.so all i can do is to never let these feelings to penetrate my mind and influence me...i have to be more firm with myself...
i'm not being fickle minded here.one minute not ok and in the next pargraph ok and start to motivate diri sendiri.i'm just using this blog as a medium for me to rectify my problems and next find solutions for it.sometimes it works quite well,u know.i guess when everything is being jumbled up in our mind,it's difficult for us to see the clearer picture.just like emptying your fat full pencil case on your table when you are trying to find a dead ant yg tersesat in it.paham tak?sometimes the things yg we make so much fuss tu actually,alahai kecik sgt and not that significant.so what if there's a dead ant in your pencil case,rite?i pon tak paham sgt apa cuba nk sampaikan nih.tulah dah tau tak reti,lg nk guna metaphore.hopefully next time i baca my entry nih i dapatle the message i'm trying to convey here,now...so if miss inferior or miss superstitious ever pays a visit,i can read this entry and i kick them out!amacam ok tak?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
It's getting harder and harder to breathe!
A friend of mine asked me a question that actually made my heart to stop beating for a few minutes.She asked me about that &*^+%$#@##$%$%^ someone from the past.Yeah that someone who make my life miserable!He is just a proof my of silliness!It took me sometime before i can recall what had happened in the past.I actually made a few attempts to write an entry about him but i just can't publish it.After that few attempts,i had decided that his character will never be mentioned in my blog until just now!I guess it's because the phobia is still in me.How can i not be phobia to someone who actually stalked on me,threatened me,fooled me,psycho me,tarnished my image/name?He had done a lot of damage to me but it was all because of my silliness.Yes,that's how i want to put it,i don't want to blame anyone but i must admit he was a nightmare.It feels like being stabbed,i dunno...my chest is just so painful and it is so difficult to breathe now...
Friday, August 1, 2008
Ramblings...
Please give me back my I-Don't-Give-A-Fucking-Damn-Shyte feeling!Oh I desperately need it now for there are too many petty issues bothering me.
I sent 'pedas mcm cili padi' sms to my other half last night but until now he have not reacted to it.and this is driving me up the wall.
to be continued...
I sent 'pedas mcm cili padi' sms to my other half last night but until now he have not reacted to it.and this is driving me up the wall.
to be continued...
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