perihal tension....

saya terasa macam sudah put on weight!!!arghhhh...tp bukankah ada perkara lg penting untuk dirisaukan?tp tension pasal berat badan/our own physical outlook ni lain sbb die hanye melibatkan diri sendiri jd,kita ada kuasa penuh untuk control ke-tension-an ini sbb ia hanye melibatkan penilaian kite terhadap diri kite sendiri.tp bila tension sbb keje n etc,ia sgt 'meng-arghhhhh-kan' sbb ia melibatkan penilaian org lain jd macam susah untuk comfort diri sendiri...betul?

berape banyak 'sbb' daaa...

"Stay hungry,stay foolish"

Transcript of Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Speech:

Thank you. I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.

Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories. The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months but then stayed around as a drop-in for another eighteen months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife, except that when I popped out, they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking, "We've got an unexpected baby boy. Do you want him?" They said, "Of course." My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college.

This was the start in my life. And seventeen years later, I did go to college, but I naïvely chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and no idea of how college was going to help me figure it out, and here I was, spending all the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out, I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned Coke bottles for the five-cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example.

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer was beautifully hand-calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans-serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me, and we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts, and since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.

If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class and personals computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever--because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well- worn path, and that will make all the difference.

My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky. I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was twenty. We worked hard and in ten years, Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation, the Macintosh, a year earlier, and I'd just turned thirty, and then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew, we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so, things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge, and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our board of directors sided with him, and so at thirty, I was out, and very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down, that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure and I even thought about running away from the Valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me. I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I'd been rejected but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods in my life. During the next five years I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, "Toy Story," and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.

In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT and I returned to Apple and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance, and Lorene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle.

My third story is about death. When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important thing I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctors' code for "prepare to die." It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next ten years to tell them, in just a few months. It means to make sure that everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I am fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don't want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late Sixties, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. it was sort of like Google in paperback form thirty-five years before Google came along. I was idealistic, overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stewart and his team put out several issues of the The Whole Earth Catalogue, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-Seventies and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath were the words, "Stay hungry, stay foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. "Stay hungry, stay foolish." And I have always wished that for myself, and now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Thank you all, very much.

'copied & pasted from'; here

I am not very sure whether i love what i'm doing now. I know i will have to find what i love if i want to succeed. I hope i will find it soon,very soon!

progress report session,..ermm no,tunjuk gigi session!

I've got progress report session and tomorrow and i will be the first to present.I was thinking of having my teeth polished as that would be the only thing to show as labwork still sucks,big time!but then, polishing will cost me an arm and a leg so maybe i'll just brush it lah.After all,my teeth is pearly white what!hehehhe...

seriously,i hate u now!

My boyfriend is driving me up the wall.i can tolerate if he never call/sms me.i will definitely call/sms him as i'm trying to be nice and trying really hard to understand his situation.However it pisses me off when he cant even spend 3 seconds to say that 3 words before hanging up my call.not that he forgets but he just so reluctant to utter it that i have to force him.WTF right?so last night i became the drama queen again but sadly,it doesn't work this time!haih....

angel vs evil

You are an evil if you think you are an angel
and vice versa...

no title

type,delete,type again,delete again....
i cannot write,just can't...
don't know why....
haih!

Sexy huh?!

He's sexy right?he still looks sexy even when throwing the trash!

taggggy

Was tagged by miss dalie.to be honest,i kinda appreciate it when someone tag me,pelik tak?lantak la...

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog

Starting time : 1850H
Name : sha

Sisters : 4
Brothers : -
Shoe size : 9/10,bapak gajah pon surrender!
Height : 5′4 kot
Where do you live : keyell

Have you ever been on a plane : yeap
Swam in the ocean : blum lg,tp ada dlm senarai 20 perkara sy ingin lakukan sebelum mati!
Fallen asleep at school :jarang sebenarnye,tp pernah.tu sbb waktu salin nota chemistry,kalium permanganate jd kalium kelaparan.jauh gle larinye!(takde la tetido btul,half asleep kot,tu yg bleh menulis lg tp salah eja...)

Broken someone’s heart : ada
Fell off your chair : mungkin ada tp tak berape nk ingat

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : tido dgn hp kt sebelah,slalu la kann

Saved e-mails : mcm takde je

What is your room like : stuffy

What’s right beside you: chair

What is the last thing you ate : nasi ayam linda onn yg bau garlic die,mak aihh mcm tak nak ilang sampai kiamat!

Ever had…
Chicken pox : yes
Sore throat : yes
Stitches : nope,
Broken nose : almost...

Do you Believe in love at first sight : not quite sure
Like picnics : depends on the location

Who was/were…
The last person you danced with : serious,tak ingat!
Last made you smile : miss W

You last yelled at : my sister

Today did you…
Talk to someone you like : yes
Kissed anyone : not yet,:)
Get sick : nope
Talk to an ex : nope
Miss someone : sikit2

Who do you really hate: bau garlic yg tak ilang2

Do you like your hand-writing : yes ,mcm tulisan dr!

Are your toe nails painted : not now

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : my other half's,bkn ape,nk tau cemane tahap bau hapaknye!

What color shirt are you wearing now : gold

Are you a friendly person : not at all,but trying my best to be one!

Do you have any pets : yeap,catty cats!

Do you sleep with the TV on: now dah jarang,dah elok2 ada katil yg sakit2 badan tido atas lantai,bt ape kan?dulu pon ada katil cuma dulu semacam tak bleh hidup tanpa tv.

What are you doing right now : answering these questions while waiting for my PCR to finish

Can you handle the truth : yes, i think i can

Are you closer to your mother or father : both

Do you eat healthy : i'm trying now!

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex :abis delete semua dah.but die bkn ex pon,ntah...friend with benefit kot..

If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : my answer sama ngan u la dalie,god and then my bf
Are you loud or quiet most of the time : quiet,i'm a reserved girl,okkk
Are you confident : i rasa tak tp dlm certain circumstances,i can be very confident

5 things I was doing 10 years ago

-pegi tuition Mrs R
-pegi skolah
-berangan
-benci diri sendiri
-membesar bagai juara!

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire

cadang nk beli bangunan yg parents dok bayar sewa beribu2 tu.lain2 tu maseh tgh pikir

5 of my bad habits

bertangguh,makan,tido dgn melampau,tak cuci muka 2x kali sehari,malas

5 places I’ve lived/living
sorry ada satu je!dr lahir sampai la ni kt situ...

5 people I tag
1) ectopy

2) green apple-sy rasa kak d is too busy now to do this tag tp tag jelah

3) you

4) You

5) and yeah, YOU!!!,laktak laaa sape2 jelah

OH,IT'S THE FLAIR THAT I DON'T HAVE!!!

Every time i when i blog hop, i always wonder why many people can really write about interesting topics and i can never come out with any interesting topic and thought i am such a moron.However after practicing this blog hoping activity for quite sometime,i finally realize that i'm not that stupid after all.I realize that i have the idea and the only thing that i don't have is the FLAIR for writing.After reading a few entries from a few blogs, i realize that the topics they were discussing had at least once,came into my mind.and i even had the intention to blog about it.however when i sign in into blogger and click on the 'new post' icon(or whatever it is being called) all i can type was the title and i just can't elaborate it any further.not only that,my memory is also very volatile as my ideas and thoughts don't stay long in my mind.not long enough for me to switch on my laptop,sign in and spill it all out!
so in a nutshell,what i'm trying to say is i'm not that pathetic after all.

repeating the mantra:
I AM BRIGHT AND SHINY!!!
I AM BRIGHT AND SHINY!!!
I AM BRIGHT AND SHINY!!!

Reminder for myself....

stop it!just stop the crap....stop judging!!.u know nothing about it!!!plus you don't have the *toooot* right to judge (i'm fasting so trying to avoid foul words)...

i am reminding myself here!!!
it's not that easy to stop our mind from judging,right!?when i look at something that my mind recognize as 'something -deserves-judging',it judges it right away without asking any approval from me.so what can i do other than reminding myself not to and i not only write it here but i also say it out loud.as if i'm talking to or shouting at someone.if anyone see me doing this,they might think that i have gone cuckoo when the truth is,i'm trying to be a better person!!

Today's mantra; I AM BRIGHT AND SHINY!!!!!heeeeeeee

• Labwork still not giving me the expected result
• Labwork just give me shits and never result!
• i haven't got the antibiotic and so i cannot proceed with my jinxed labwork
• supervisors are asking for results and as usual nothing to show them.cloning sucks!!!
  
• People are going to the moon already and i'm still stuck here.My labmate won a gold medal in quite a prestigious conference,the other one going to present in an international conference and others are progressing
  
• My other half is in US now and his team is now an official team of xxx.His face now terpampang in xxx official website.He's really going to the moon and again,i'm still stuck here
  
• I received the scholarship agreement and i have to spend about RM150 for the stamp and med check-up
• It was stated in the agreement that i'm not suppose to work and that makes wonder whether being an agent considered working
• i'm confused whether to proceed with this part time work of mine or not since by right,i'm not supposed to
• my labmate accidentally told my supervisor that i'm an agent and he gave a look which make me feel uneasy,uncomfortable,worried,scared,_____________(feel free to fill in the blanks with other negative feelings)
  
• until today, i only manage to get two clients and both of them had only invested the min amount so when can i have my own car?next millennium?
  
• my parents are too old to work their *tooooot* off to support us and so it should now be my responsibility.but two clients with min investment amount?what the *toooooooot*??!!
  

but i'm goooood,i'm okay!i am fineeeeee!!!!I AM BRIGHT AND SHINY!!!!!

Dr. Doom

While i was blog hoping,i came across this quiz...

Your results:
You are Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom 76% Mr. Freeze 75% Lex Luthor 70% Apocalypse 65% Dark Phoenix 63% Mystique 62% Juggernaut 62% Magneto 58% The Joker 57% Venom 56% Kingpin 55% Green Goblin 50% Poison Ivy 50% Two-Face 34% Catwoman 32% Riddler 30%

Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

didn't i tell you i was born to be a doctor?!
and oh,he has good knowledge in all sciences including genetic engineering!hahaha...

trying very hard to make this butt stick on the chair...

I was so miserable this morning but thanks to the weather, i am feeling better now. Rain really has some kind of positive effect towards my mood.This morning i was determined to give up my research but right now all i want is to finish it by the end of this year.I will decide what to do next once i got the result because i feel that things will get clearer when i have some result in hand.
I am pretty sure he's very busy now attending conference,workshop and meeting people and i hope he will be missing me as much as i miss him.
i just cannot make my buttock stick any longer on this chair here in this lab.I just want to leave the lab now but then wouldn't it be inappropriate to leave the lab when your supervisors are in,right?However,to be honest it's their presence that make me want to leave the lab.I am not having any problem with them but i just couldn't face them,not without any result in hand!

LOVE WILL COME THROUGH

If I told you a secret
You won't tell a soul
Will you hold it and keep it alive

Cause it's burning a hole
And I can't get to sleep
And I can't live alone in this lie

So look up, take it away
Don't look da da da down the mountain

If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return anyone, anything, anyhow

So take me
Don't leave me
Take me
Don't leave me
Baby
Love will come through
It's just waiting for you

Well I stand at the crossroads
Of highroads and lowroads
And I've got a feeling it's right

If it's real what I'm feeling
There's no make believe
In the sound of the wings of the flight of a dove
Take it away
Don't look da da da down the mountain

If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return anyone, anything, anyhow

So take me
Don't leave me
Take me
Don't leave me
Baby
Love will come through
It's just waiting for you

Oh look up
Take it away
Don't look da da da down

If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return anyone, anything, anyhow

So take me
Don't leave me
Take me
Don't leave me
Baby
Love will come through
It's just waiting for you

Love will come through
Love will come through
Love will come through

kalau labwork menjadi kan dah bleh raya dgn sgt happy!

Saya sgt down sbb labwork sy masih tak memberikan keputusan yg diharapkan.Step yg sy rasa agak kritikal sudah menjadi tp step yg berikutnya tak menjadi-jadi lg plak.barang nk guna plak dah takde jd kenalah tunggu lg a few weeks.jd ble sy dtg lab,sy rasa macam org tak berguna.org lain hempas pulas bt keje and sy pulak duduk buang masa surf internet; lompat dr satu blog ke blog lain dan melakukan perkara2 yg sia2.sy tak tipu,sy mmg sgt down tp sy dah tak bleh nk complain 24/7 mcm dulu sbb sy realize takde org nk dgr and sy rasa mcm loser ble sy down and mula complain.sy rasa sy patut jd kuat and terima things seadanya and then start cari solution sendiri.but i guess i'm that strong YET!dulu i can always complain to my other half but now i don't want to complain to him anymore because i do not want him to look down on me.plus he's too busy to attend to my nonsense.and he pun not like before,lg complain,lg die marah ade lah...tomorrow my last day kt lab before cuti raya tp tak tau la dpt jumpe him or not.nk jumpe before raya sekejap pon susah.raya nnt,confirm le tak jumpe and lgpon 4hb die nk gi US plak.haih sabar jelah okkk...
tp kira ok lah kan sb sy risau and pening sbb bende yg bukan remeh.i mean my labwork is not a petty issue kan?takde la risau bende2 bodoh mcm dulu...

AIDILFITRI...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI TO ALL,MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN!

Seriously!!!!

Tiba2 saya terasa nk habeskan peringkat pengajian ni A.S.A.P and saya taknak sambung ke next level.seriously,,,,rasa nk muntah!!!unless sy boleh masuk lab sesuka hati,mungkin sy akan consider.tp if nk dtg lab 8-5 and then ble machine tak kosong or sementara tunggu machine bt keje sy kne duduk tercongok,mmg lah sgt tidak mahu further lg!lgpon hati sy bukannye 100% di sini...

InsyaALLAH sy akan beraya di kl je tahun ni...ini bermakna sume adik beradik sebelah my mom akan dtg beraya di rumah sayalah since my grandmother is staying with us.dulu kecik2,mmg sgt suke ble ramai org kt umah tp ble dah besar terasa runsing pulak ble sume dtg menyempit dan masing2 dgn peel (betul ke ejaan ni,?) masing2.yg menyempit tu tak kisah,sbb mmg dah tolerate bende nih sejak azali bab perangai yg tak tahan tu...seriously,,,nk muntah again!!!

jinx...

Unproductive....unproductive.....unproductive!!!!!
sleepy...sleepy...sleepy!!!!

inilah yg terjadi bila bende yg sepatutnya jd tp maseh tak jadi setelah 9999 kali mencuba!!!

"I have not failed,i've just found 10,000 ways that won't work"
~Thomas A. Edison~
yeah yeah yeah....

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
~Thomas A. Edison~

Im not giving up as i know i'm very close to it but then,right now i'm just too sleepy to repeat it....

sometimes i think this lab is having some kind of jinx!

perihal blog...

Ada beberapa blog yg akan baca everyday tp for some reason yg ntah hape hape,sy tak link blog mereka ke blog saya dan saya akan menyusahkan diri untuk type blog mereka atau pegi baca blog2 tersebut melalui blog org lain.mungkin jugak sbb untuk tidak link adalah kerana saya rasa,kalau sy nk link blog mereka,sy perlu inform mereka dulu dan sy rasa leceh untuk berbuat demikian,itu saja.blog2 ini,sy jumpe dr blog lain dan kebanyakannye sy jumpe dr blog miss ectopy!(saya rasa saya ada sikit persamaan dgn u,ectopy!sbb blog u baca,i pon suka bc gak.not all but ada lah a few).so baru2 ni ada lah this blog yg sy rasa macam jujur dan kerap sy baca.and then tadi sy pegi kt blog yg sy dah lama baca and found out yg crite2 dalam blog sy br baca ni,ceritanye adalah rekaan semata-mata.pemilik blog yg satu ni mmg membongkarkan penipuan ini kaw-kaw,tahniah to u miss M!pemilik blog yg membongkarkan penipuan ini adalah perempuan and pemilik blog yg mereka-reka crite adalah lelaki.so sebenarnye kat sini,siapa yg ada balls?

A doctor...

I don't have any particular topic to blog about but somehow i thought i should update my blog and so here i am trying to come out with some crap...last weekend had been quite good for me as there was no time wasted.i mean,time was fully utilized...
Seriously,i just do not know what i really want now!!I feel like i am now in two different world.Right now i cannot separate between reality and dream.I was so carried away with that soap opera and thought i am a surgeon now.so now, tell me how pathetic that is!Seriously!!!i am now having difficulties in separating the reality from imaginations i have in my head.am i having some mental disorder?The other day,my mum thought i was having some temporary memory loss because i was sleeping and she woke me up.Then in a very serious face i told her not to disturb me as i'm examining patients by patients.She told me that i looked so pale that time.I wanted to become a doctor long before i start watching this grey's anatomy.Since i was 6-7 years old,every time someone ask me my what is my ambition,the answer had always been doctor and nothing else.I wanted to become a doctor since i was 7!It took me a few years to accept the fact that i am not one and i have to choose some other career.As i mentioned in previous entry,i thought i had get rid of the feeling but looks like it's still in me.Some one told me that if you want some thing so badly,eventually you will get it.I badly,deadly want to be a doctor...so one day will get to be one?
I was to born to be a doctor and not a researcher!

i'm tired...

Why my labwork still aint giving any results?I've got progress report session next week and i have nothing to present.How great is that huh?!
just don't feel like staying in the any longer.don't even feel like doing labwork anymore...

good or bad influence?

Medicine is still in me.I thought i had get rid of it but looks like I haven't!I believe there's a reason why i didn't get into medicine and at one point i thought knew the answer.but again looks like i don't!At this age is it possible for me to go into medicine?okay,i'm not that old but responsibilities are now starting to ride on my shoulder...i'm not that far from it,it's coming and so I'm now torn between P and M...

it's so obvious i was influenced by GA huh!

Ramadhan Psychology....

I went to the toilet just now and looking myself in the mirror,i thought i look a bit slimmer.It's only the second day of Ramadhan and the best part is; i have not even started fasting!!psyco huh?!hahahahaha

Selamat berpuasa..............

Selamat berpuasa to all!arghhh ngantuk gile okkk.melampau punye ngantuk.tp bukan sbb bgn sahur,i sahur kol 7.30 am okk,hehehehe ni sume gara-gara marathon tgk grey's anatomy, hehehehe...season 1 dah khatam,tgh berusaha nk khatam season2 plak.tp tgk cite membuatkan aku miserable,tak tau knape...i'm pathetic!!!
Now tgh nak booking ticket kt air asia nih.i nak migrate!!!!ish duit pon takde,kejadahnye nak migrate.'kejadahnye' adalah satu perkataan yg agak slalu digunakan oleh my other half and i'm impressed ble perkataan2 mcm nih kluar dr mulut die.actually nak book ticket untuk my servant yg telah ala-ala kne sacked.haaa tulah kuang ajaq lg.mulut tu punyelah panjang.gaji dah macam gaji kerani tp keje dgn teruknye siap boleh main politik kotor plak kt umah aku.melaga-lagakan org,huh kan over tuh.siap dia plak bleh bt peraturan die sendiri plak.sabau jelah.padahal kitorang if gi bercuti siap bawak die,siap my parents bg duit blanje lg and my family,my uncle sume if tgh bercerita bleh ajak die duduk dgr skali okkk.tp tak tau nak appreciate kan.nasib la ko...actually permit mati 5/9 nih and tgh uruskan le.lg plak medical die mmg fail and my mom nk tolong le tp pg td die bt perangai so trus laaa tak jadik renew permit die...ok lantak ko lah,malas aku nk serabutkan kpale otak aku.aku nk book ticket ko n nk bt duty rooster untuk umah.jom ler sama2 kte bergotng -royong yeh.haa biasalnye time nih sekor2 baran je memanjang sbb dah kne bt keje,biasak la tuh kan....jgn cube2 nk escape sudah yeh!!!and my cousin2( klau dah perkataan majmuk tuh maknanye bkn sorang la kan...) tak payah la nk jd ma'am kann,sila turun padang.my mum mmg suke jd kan rumah die mcm welfare!if bt perangai mcm org tak kesah,ini bt hotel tak berbayar,sape tak tension.nih my aunty sorang lg plak nk check-in sbb hubby die takdak.aritu tu pon mcm nih gak.hubby die tak de,die dok kt my house and then hubby die dah balik,sepatah haram pon tak cakap kt my parents trus blah mcm tu je and lepas tu tak dtg dah.tp my parents nih baik sgt,dorang bt dunno je so takkan la kitorang plak nk make fuss kan.yg kitorang bengang tuh,die tetibe kerek n sombong plak ngan kitorang.bkn ape,kitorang mmg rapat dgn die sbb dulu time kecik2 dulu die yg jaga kitorang.so kitorang ingat la jugak jasa die kan and die takde anak so ble kadang ble ada org yg mulut jelabas ni ckp ape2,die ckp,die takde anak pon takpe sbb die ada anak2 sedara.tu kitorang la tuh kan.tp ble hubby die ada, die lain skit.
My other half is damn busy.tak tau die ada masa nk bernafas ke tak...ble die busy melamapau,tension gak tp nk bt perangai pon jd lg teruk je sbb die pon tgh tension gle.tp apepon dah slamat bt perangai jugak la..cikit jer...
yesterday ada this makcik nih passed away.during the general election arituh i ala-ala polling agent and hajah nih jd ketua.time tu sihat walafiat je aku tgk die.two months back she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she passed away yesterday.sbb i knal die,i went to pay her a last respect.cancer nih mmg laaa silent killer.i was thinking waktu i jumpe die tu mesti the cancer cells tgh party sakan in her body tp tulah she had no idea kan time tu.

and ohh i passed the exam and i'll be getting my AC soon!!!
tgh hari kang gi drive-thru McD bleh tak?hahahahaha

...............

mood utk ber-blog entah ke mane!

Did i lost it?

Do i still have the heat to melt you down?

I deserves it!

~Love needs sacrifice.If you never sacrifice,you know you don't love that person enough!~

if you ever leave me,i deserves it!you have all the good reasons in the world to do so!!

I miss you,honey...

Derek reminds me of you!maybe it's the hair kot...

abu ghraib prison...

Come into my heart and get lost in it so that you can never find your way out!

Lama2,tidak baik untuk kesihatan jantung!

td emo gle!skang ok dah kot..emo tak bleh lama2...

Im just too sick...so sick....*&%$ sick...so please stop it!!!!!!!!

I don't to care but i guess i still care because right now i'm having this funny feeling inside!padahal by right i should get used to it.come on laaa i've been facing bende2 mcm nih dari mula bergaul dgn org luar and mula faham bahasa,meaning mula paham apa yg org kata!so basically dr umur i 4-5 tahun la kot.tp until now masih blum really bleh bt selamba,susah beb.tp org2 nih sume tak penah tau.tambahan zaman kecik2 dulu lg la macam2 tp people don't understand only family jelah yg faham sbb each and everyone of us sure wajib kne.padahal bkn ape pon!i malas nk crite lah tp if pikir balik,mmg sgt tak fair and if ikutkan hati i just want to curse them!mmg tak fair sbbnye i tak penah kacau org2 nih and apalagi menyakitkan hati dorang but why u have to sakitkan hati i sesakit-sakitnya and do u have any idea how does it feels?yeah,u don't know sbb u tak perasan pon yg i terasa or sakit hati or makan hati.how can u sleep at night when ada org yg menangis,hilang self-esteem,hate themself and feel inferior sbb
u?if u tak puas hati or rasa pelik sgt,go and ask GOD lah!it's a very sensitive issue and so i think i shouldn't further comment about this.but to those people nih why can't u be a bit sensitive towards other people's feelings?after all,some of them nih bkn calang2 org kan?bijak pandai,professional,alim,warak,doctor,lawyer,professor,engineer,
cleaner,janitor,driver,ustazah,ustaz,cakap je,sume i dah kne!so why cant u guna kelebihan/kepakaran anda bukan sahaja dalam perkara berkaitan your field je tp untuk create suatu pemikiran yg lebih open.dan before u can do that,please define 'open-minded' appropriately.ramai org yg claim themself open-minded tp adakah mereka btul open-minded?
~some people are too open-minded that their brains fall out!~

u don't have to go clubbing,reveal as many flesh,drink,smoke,practice pre-marital sex and etc to become an open-minded person.to me, from the word open-minded tu u dah bleh define it.open your mind to as many thing as possible but not necessarily u have to accept everything.brape ramai yg claim themself open-minded padahal punyelah kuat meng-judge org lain dan kehidupan org lain.brape ramai drp golongan yg so-called open minded ni yg tak bleh terima org yg lain daripada mereka.klau dorang open-minded sgt,then i don't have to through this fucking hell dulu and now,okkk...i think the bottom line is don't be judgmental and of course jgn lah sesekali bias!if anda bias,don't ever call yourself an open-minded person!

mungkin u all tak perasan sbb to u all it's nothing but u all do not know what damage u all had caused.why make my life miserable sbb something yg i can never change?yes something yg mmg sama skali tak boleh diubah walau bt ape sekali pon!physical takde hal,bleh ubah punye tp ini mmg tak bleh ubah!so tell me now is this fair?tell me!!!lagi susah nk terima bile org2 ni adalah dari kalangan org2 yg i look up upon.org2 yg i respect akan kepakaran/kelebihan mereka...susah nk terima...sgt susah nk terima!tp takpelah,at least sy tak sakitkan hati org lain...and i still respect them lah sbb walaupon bende ni agak menggangu emosi tp ia still adalah something yg petty!mungkin jugak wpon slalu kne berdepan dgn situasi mcm nih tp GOD IS GREAT!!sbbnye perasaan down/sakit hati tu tak lama...

but then,sometimes i just feel like migrating!!!

Hypocrisy!!

The hardest thing to do is to be yourself!

bila ada terlalu banyak bende nk diperkatakan,entry sy akan jd lebih pendek berbanding biasa...

My cousin gave birth to a cute baby boy on 08.08.08!Welcome to the world,boy...
My friend got engaged on the same day.She was so beautiful on that day and I was fooled by my camera.I thought i had transfer all the pictures into my pendrive last night but this morning, i couldn't open the folder!and i'm not sure whether those pictures are still being stored in the memory card or not.sakit hati betoii!!!
Went to watch dark knight yesterday after unsuccessful attempt to watch it last week.The movie was.......do i have to comment?tak payah kan?ada ke org yg rasa crite tu tak best?i nk gi tgk lg skali...

i'm broke...

okay here's the situation;

I applied for the scholarship last November.It was stated in the form that application considered fail if applicant do not receive any feedback after 3 months from the closing date.The closing date was 30th November.
Until February,I still haven't receive any feedback and and had called them.I was told that they had not process the applications as their system got hacked
I was called to attend the interview on April
On june i got the offer letter
I'm suppose to sign an agreement before they can bank in the money but until now they have not send it
I called them up this morning and was told that they have not start sending the agreement and....that will take another 2 weeks..ok lahh kan...guess what?the money will be banked in 3 months after signing the agreement!so now tell me how *&^%$$%^^&***& that is!!!!don't they know that i'm a pauper already?

Today my motivational level is so low that it's touching the ground but it's not all because of the money...

what a small cyberworld huh?!

Saya merasakan bahawa saya tiada life!
actually cyberworld nih pon takde la besar mane pon kan?.ble sy blog hopping,sy jumpe byk interesting blogs (wpon blog2 ini tak di-link ke blog sy,tp sy bc blog mereka everyday)and bc punye bc,rupenye mereka berkawan dgn org yg kenal.sy kenal ramai org,tp sekadar kenal jelah.nk kata kwn2 tu tak adelah kan.I'm a boring person that ble sy kluar/jumpe/ckp/terserempak/etc sesetengah so called kenalan sy nih,sy bleh bleh nampak sinar kebosanan di muka mereka.sy tahu sy kaku dan membosanakan tp apa bleh sy bt?ini diri sy,kalau saya ubah pon ia hanya akan nampak sgt fake and pretentious.tp org2 yg tunjuk sinar kebosanan nih adalah org yg sy admire gaya hidup/cara pembawakan diri mereka...sy cuba jugak bt2 cool,atau weird atau smart atau hilarious atau peramah atau funny tp terasa macam ada pisau kt tepi leher,sgt tak selesa,sgt kaku dan so not me. mungkin penyelesaian terbaik adalah utk jd diri sendiri,tetapi itu bermakna,sy knelah jd kera sumbang!SV juga tunjuk sinar tersebut,hah kan susah tu?jd apakah penyelesaiannye?berubah pon tak selesa dan jd diri sendiri pon seksa sbb i will keep on criticizing myself.

ok berbalik kpd statement di atas tu,sy rasa sy takde life sbb;

• sy tak duduk kt starbucks/dome/coffee bean,bli secawan kopi,snap some photos and masukkan dlm friendster/facebook/etc.bila sy terasa nk minum,sy bli tp bkn everyday/week.once in a blue moon je i would say.sy maseh rasa secawan starbucks daily is too expensive for my lifestyle.
• ble sy tgk baju/sale sy tidaklah teruja mane untuk bli.bleh dikatakan sy,tak reti shopping.sy hanye pegi shopping complex untuk makan/bli toiletries/watch movie
• sy tak ramai kawan and sy takde my own circle of friends.takde,mmg takde.
• sy tak kluar dating dgn my other half slalu.jln2,mcm couple lain.he's too busy i pon susah nk kluar.
  
• setiap hari sy bgn pagi pegi lab and ptg/mlm balik umah dr lab,mkn & tgk tv kejap and then tido.most of the time,tak tgk tv pon tido je sbb too tired.
• weekend,if tak pegi lab,dok umah tgk tv,masak,or kadang2 pegi ou/curve with my siblings
• sy sgt susah nk biasakan diri dgn org yg sy br kenal or tak rapat.sy lebih suka tarik diri je if tak kenal/tak selesa.

point2 ini boleh membantu anda menjawab soalan ini
ini pula adalah bukti my attempt untuk jd an interesting person tp berjaya ke?

at one point,sy hanye tidak kisah pasal hal2 remeh ini.tak lama dulu,dlm bulan lepas.i was happy with myself and my life had improved.sy mahu tidak kesah semula.sy rasa perasaan ini semacam suatu petanda buruk!sbb dulu2 waktu sy messed up dulu,perasaan inilah yg menjadi pendorongnye.inferiority can ruin your life,trust me!it once ruined mine...and it's haunting me again.
i do not want to feel inferior ever again.

Dear miss INFERIORITY,
I don't need you anymore!i had live with you for too long.I dedicated my life to you but what have you done to me in return?You ruined my life!I was silly to let you control my life.You fooled me into thinking that you are like 'miss down to earth'.you erased the feeling of thankful and grateful from my heart and you even refrained me from being happy and content with myself.it's time to get rid of you!i let you in and so now,i'm going to kick ur ass out of my life!so long miss inferiority!

talking about controlling my life,u pon sama jugak miss fucking superstitious!!get the hell out of my life!!!
alangkah nikmatnye if kte bleh get rid of feelings cara mcm ni.maki and halau them keluar.
masalahnye depa ni bukannye paham bahasa,kata tak skolah kan?the feelings will be there,it will always and forever be in me and with me.so all i can do is to never let these feelings to penetrate my mind and influence me...i have to be more firm with myself...

i'm not being fickle minded here.one minute not ok and in the next pargraph ok and start to motivate diri sendiri.i'm just using this blog as a medium for me to rectify my problems and next find solutions for it.sometimes it works quite well,u know.i guess when everything is being jumbled up in our mind,it's difficult for us to see the clearer picture.just like emptying your fat full pencil case on your table when you are trying to find a dead ant yg tersesat in it.paham tak?sometimes the things yg we make so much fuss tu actually,alahai kecik sgt and not that significant.so what if there's a dead ant in your pencil case,rite?i pon tak paham sgt apa cuba nk sampaikan nih.tulah dah tau tak reti,lg nk guna metaphore.hopefully next time i baca my entry nih i dapatle the message i'm trying to convey here,now...so if miss inferior or miss superstitious ever pays a visit,i can read this entry and i kick them out!amacam ok tak?

It's getting harder and harder to breathe!

A friend of mine asked me a question that actually made my heart to stop beating for a few minutes.She asked me about that &*^+%$#@##$%$%^ someone from the past.Yeah that someone who make my life miserable!He is just a proof my of silliness!It took me sometime before i can recall what had happened in the past.I actually made a few attempts to write an entry about him but i just can't publish it.After that few attempts,i had decided that his character will never be mentioned in my blog until just now!I guess it's because the phobia is still in me.How can i not be phobia to someone who actually stalked on me,threatened me,fooled me,psycho me,tarnished my image/name?He had done a lot of damage to me but it was all because of my silliness.Yes,that's how i want to put it,i don't want to blame anyone but i must admit he was a nightmare.It feels like being stabbed,i dunno...my chest is just so painful and it is so difficult to breathe now...

Ramblings...

Please give me back my I-Don't-Give-A-Fucking-Damn-Shyte feeling!Oh I desperately need it now for there are too many petty issues bothering me.

I sent 'pedas mcm cili padi' sms to my other half last night but until now he have not reacted to it.and this is driving me up the wall.



to be continued...

High cal ice cream...

I think the proposal defending session ended quite well for me.Well here doesn't mean perfect.They commented on my problem statement and I deserves it.The panels wasn't that wicked lah,maybe because this just a preliminary thingy.wait until viva voce,ahhhaaaa i'm pretty sure it going to be very challenging!I guess that time all the panels with have evil horns on their heads...I like the way i handle myself before and during the presentation as i managed to stay cool all the way!no butterflies chasing one another in the stomach,wet palms,trembled voice and of course the 250beats/s heartbeats.so i deserve an applause huh!ohhh since i'm fasting today maybe i should treat myself with jeng jeng jeng...no!no!no!i'm on diet ok!

Ketagih...

I am so addicted to Grey's anatomy!
but this addiction leaves me with an unpleasant feeling.I want to be in the story,which is obviously impossible!I'm not even a doctor and of course if I were to lead that kind of life, there's gonna be a border to cross.


tomorrow...tomorrow...i don't feel right because i'm not worried.haiyee what's wrong with me being cool and calm now,rite?I mean one day before the presentation!hope i will remain calm until tomorrow...

Finally...

and ohh ma had submitted my xx form and i will be sitting for the exam this august.hehehehehe.i'm on my way to become a ........InyaALLAH...pls god,ALLAH,my lord do bless me...

dangerous feeling...

People around me (in the lab only) are all stressed out as they think that are not being productive lately.one of them were too stressed out last saturday that she had sms-ed me.I offered her some some encouraging words and she told me she felt better after sms-ing moi.I told her,it's a good thing that we are worried and stressed out for not being productive enough for that will make us realize that we are not working hard enough.This will then lead us to do something about it and so we will not be permanently unproductive!A counselor I am now huh!I am now worried because I'm not worried like them.well,to say that I'm productive,hmmmm i don't think so!but right now i'm just not worried.I just don't give a damn!yeah that's the word.DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!am i giving up or i'm just taking things easy?i'm also not worried/nervous about the proposal defending thingy.is this a good thing or i'm on my way to failure?cutting open my heart now to have a peek inside...well you know what i can see?A big sign board..let me zoom in to read it...it says...I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING DAMN SHYTE!!!!and so,whatever lahhhhhh....but i like this feeling!it makes me want to dance on the roof of my car...haih this feeling is dangerous!

rasa nak....

Lab is very congested now with 9 undergraduate students doing their final year project.dulu i tak amik port sgt pasal dorang nih,yelah i pon kire br time tu.tp now dorang mula dah dtg mengacau i.bukan tak nak tlg tp mengada2,menyampah aku!dorang dahla satu haram ape pon tak tau ape nk bt pastu bleh nk mcm bagus plak.yg sorang tu tak puas hati sbb byk bende die tak payah bt sbb guna yg aku punye je and sorang lg menyalahkan aku sbb die salah order xxxx.aku rase nk lempang sekor2 pastu humban keluar tingkap.aku tgh tension ngan hal labwork aku and ko plak dahle kacau aku pastu pastu siap bleh ckp aku punye pasal ko silap order.SV pon satu,tak explain btul2 pastu biar depa tawaf pusing2 lab tanpa halatuju!dahla panggil aku kakak xxxx(nama project aku).blah laaa korang.ak koser aku kusutkan kpale hotak aku pasal korang.so next time korang datang lg,jgn harapla aku nk tolong yeh.

Form xx aku tak hantor2 lg.blenye nk sit for the exam weh?padahal aku dah ada client okkk.br td Pn Jxx sms aku tanye pasal hal xx aku.sbb die kata die dah janji ngan aku so die nk xxxx kt aku ler.tension okkkk.mau dekat setahun dah bertangguh!!
next week nk defend proposal and i will be first to present.My name start with S laaa,y first?dahlaa ##$%^& $%%^&& ^&*()(*&&^.ok ok ok malas nk kutuk!

rasa mcm nk tengking kuat2 and then cekik orang laaaa tp tak tau nk bt kt sape...

I am...

i am such a boring person!!!
Agree?

to judge or not to judge...?

Why i do not want reveal my identity here and do not want those who know me to find out about this blog?The reason is mainly because I do not want any of the character mentioned in this blog to be judged!That's all.Well,kalau perasan,ada beberapa or mungkin satu character yg di-mention dlm blog ini dalam bentuk yg agak negatif!tp sentiasa ingat,jgn buat any conclusion berdasarkan kenyataan perempuan yg sedang marah!I have always wanted to delete certain entries every time i read my blog as i thought i'm exaggerating.But if delete,then what's the point of having a blog,rite?so ble org yg kenal i baca my exaggerations,they may tend to judge the person that being described in this blog and i will not be happy with that.Well i would say that all the characters mentioned,are those whom i love dearly.Those are the important person in my life and thats the reason why their reaction/acts/behavior really affects me emotionally.maybe except for the comm of of oaths,my interviewer,clerk dean/treasury office and etc la kannn.
And of course i myself do not want to be judged too!Maybe the identity i created here is not myself.Well, me being a fickle minded person,my style of writing might change depending on my mood and some other external influences such as some other blogs.And this is the reason why i just could not understand how some people can go to some blogs and make nasty comments to the blog owners.How can you judge a person by his/her blog?you hardly know them.Well even if you know that person,you don't have the right to judge that person esp bout his/her personal stuff.

Yesterday my labmate was searching for my blog.She caught a glimpse of my blog and the moment i realize that i quickly closed it.And now she's tracking down my blog.hehehehe will you succeed Wxxxx?we'll see bout that.
So if any of you who know me happen to find this blog,satu je nk pesan...if you want to judge me,go ahead but just don't judge any of the person mentioned here.that's all!

ok now i think i'm exaggerating again.dalam blog nih takde laaa ape sgt kan?tak de laaa sampai rahsia bilik tidur and stuff like sume kan?kan?kan?

Buang baju and tag

Pegi baca blog dalie td and die telah tag saya.yelah asyik tak hapdate je kann...tp kalau tak malas,takde la miss sha namanye kannn.sifat malas tu dah sebati sgt dalam diri.haih..tp weekend br nih not bad laaa..sy sungguh berbangga dgn weekend sy yg lepas!ahahahahahha.
”i'm sorry XXX (no,not my mama,i love my mama,ok!)
i never meant to hurt you i never meant to make you cry
but tonight i'm cleaning out my closet
one more time!”
yea bebeh!!!sy sudah sucikan closet sy yg penuh dgn baju2 yg sy tak pakai.buat menyemak closet aku jer.bersih sampai mmg dah nak kosong.bijak tak?sampai takde bende nk pakai.bijak tak anak mak?hehehehe.sy nk tukar image,chewahhhh.baju2 tu ada je yg elok and muat dan sudah tentu chantekkk (ye ke?) tp sesetengah baju mengingatkan I kpd bende yg sy tak mahu ingat and so i tak pakai baju2 tuh.haruslah i buang laaa kannn.FYI i'm a very superstitious person.sooooo superstitious sampai mampu bt bende2 yg diluar batas2 normal!nk crite?takkkk payahhhh,i pon malu nk recall okkkk.ok back tu rombakan kabinet sy,xx telah dilucutkan jawatannya.hehehe takdelah.my mom bukak my closet die tanye lepas nih nk pki ape?sy kata nnt sy shopping.yelah sy kne laaa start tukar image,dah nk jd jutawan la katakan.knape tak percaya ke?well kanak2 sekalian,peribahasa melayu ada mengatakan alaaa cemane ekkk?lebih kurang gini laa; br dgr guruh di langit,air tempayan sudah dicurahkan.aku bkn takat air tempayan,dgn tempoyak dlm peti sejuk tu pon aku dah buang.i ingat nk masuk UT!blum masuk,baju semua dah buang,okkk takkk?well,i ikut peribahsa omputih nih,if we don't dream,we have nothing to look forward and to work towards.tp smalam aku dah pegi shopping skit kt OU(kak D,sy mmg slalu ditakdirkan utk ke OU jerk).bli baju and kasut!sgt sronok sbb dpt kasut yg kilat2 tuh.yelah i ni bkn senang nk dapat kasut.I saiz UK okkk.91/2 yehhh.haaa kaki anak gajah comeii skit.Well, this make me wanna curse my European blood!!darn you bloody blood!okkk enough with my buang baju story.lets move on to the tag.here it goes;

1. nama-nama timangan oleh org tersayang

• mak/bapak/kakak/mck/pck/ahli keluarga lain yg lebih tua;ADIK, ok apa maksudnye?dipanggil 'adik' wpon bkn yg bongsu...yeee anda tahu jawapannyekan?
• my other half; ape lg?dah die syg aku (confident je die syg,kan?),panggil SAYANG ler.
• SV/kawan/org2 lain di lab ni; SHA
• kawan di U dulu; 3 huruf akhir nama panjang i!
  

• kawan2 skolah dulu;nama betul aku yg sedap, suci,manis,wangi,harum lg merdu...

2. anda seorang yang...........

• pemalas
• kuat tido,dirumah sy mmg terkenal sbg seorg yg kuat tido.tgh drive pon bleh tido,huish bahaye tuh...
• suka berangan,insiden buang baju di atas,adalah salah satu boktinye!
• menurut kakak i,gila kuasa,hahahaha tp kt umah je kott
• suka memasak ikut imiginasi sendiri(tp bukan imiginasi xxx yeh,yg tu i tak bt time nk masak),sunday morning sy telah masak 'breakfast casserole' and 'celery,carrot n mushroom soup' yg sedappp nk mamposss.tak percaye?tanye makbapak,kakak,adik,mck n cousin kiteee
• anti social
• ingin mengubah dunia?itu die kottt
  

3. insan teristimewa.describe apa yg membuatkan die terlalu istimewa di mata anda.

• very the ambitious that sometimes i'm just afraid that he's too ambitious for moi!
• tolerated my nonsense,silly,unacceptable,moronic,satanic,&**%%##$%* mistake...
• very hardworking,yeah in average, he sleeps bout 3-4 hours a day (and i on the other hand,only awake for 3-4 hrs a day ehehehe)
• always has solutions for most or almost all of my problems
• I think he’s like Taq polymerase!
• dahhh tak bleh puji manyak2 kang naik kpale!

4. makanan favourite anda

• boleh dikatakan semua kecuali yg tak halal la kan.dah ohhh makanan2 yg tak masak tu mcm makanan jepon tu semua and also seaweed!so no sushi for moi!tempura okkk

"New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hit
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer..."

• Well itu cuma lagu latar yeh.so enjoy!!!!oh yaaaa i loveee chinese food!chinese food makes me fattttt!!!
• Puey teow (read;kuey teow)...kung fu,char,soup,ladna,bandung,jakarta,medan,dan paling sukeee ialah cantonese kuey teow.so apa beza ladna,cantonese and kung fu?kuah die sume sama likat kan?nk tau ape bezanye?tang TELOQ tu!kung fu-berbalut telur,ladna-takde telur (pondan!),cantonese-telur dlm gravy die.jelas?ada soalan bleh kemukan ke errr,sila google sendiri!
  
• mashed potato....eeeii suke..esp yg kat Dave's deli zaman dolu2.skang depa pki yg maggie tuh.bleh laaa tp tak se-best yg dolu tu!
• minuman tak nak tau?just in case ada yg tau,aku bgtau ahhh...apple juice yg dgn label no sugar added kt botol die tuh.sukeee sgt.tp makcik i kata rasa mcm kencing kuda,lupe plak nk tanye ble die minum kencing kuda.time die ckp tuh die blom kawen,harap maklum!

5. favourite color

• sume yg kenal i pasti tau...ape jawapannye? (sambil letak tgn kt telinga)...yea bebeh BLACK.gaya,mutu,keunggulan!

6. favourite song

• gilo ko, nk letak sume?skang nih sgt suke I'm yours by jason Mraz
• tp biasalah all time favorite would be;AZAN,poyo!tp ni mmg tak tipu,suke dgr yg taubat tuh..."tuhanku aku tidak layak untuk syurgaMU tetapi tidak pula aku sanggup menanggung seksa nerakaMU..."how true!

7. sikap yg membuatkan anda stress

• ble aku cakap bt tak dgr
• sikap MALAS diri sendiri mmg sgt meng-stress kan sy
• byk lg,crite kang tak pasal2 aku stress kt sini
• actually sikap diri sy sendiri lebih banyak meng-stress kan sy!basically sy slalu stress sbb tanggapan/sangkaan yg sy bt dlm kpale hotak sy!
  

8. 3 bende yg mesti ade dalam handbag anda...

• wallet ler
• buku doa
• compact powder

9. kali terakhir anda menangis beriya-iya..kenapa??
few weeks ago...my cousin passed away...

10. tag 6 rakan anda
sume dah kne tag so rasenye takde maknenye aku nk tag sesiapa

SEKIAN...

r7rtyerytyry

Such a boring weekend i had!went to OU on saturday with the intention to buy some clothes but ended up just eating and watching movie.My cousin just got his car and so haruslah die bwk kitorang jalan2 kan...so tu yg gi OU tuh.We wanted to watch get smart but it was full so we watched nanny's diary instead.oklaaaa..takde laaa best mane n not that bad lah.
Every friday i'll be very excited because of the weekend but my weekend always end up with ordinary boring weekend.I'll be planning to do lots of stuff for the weekend during the weekdays but when time comes i'll be a slothful couch potato!believe it or not, now i am already looking forward to the next weekend,hehehehe...
It has been quite some time since i last fast (and why this sentence sounds funny eh?) and today i'm fasting.Now i'm feeeling so sleeepy and hungry...boleh tak?oooi pose banyak nk ganti nih...mane tak byk,waktu bulan pose aritu miss red spot melawat dua kali boleh tak?semenjak dua menjak nih miss red spot punye schedule dah haywire,tak tau knape.risau gak,al maklumlah i penah jatuh yg teruk gak sampai pinggang nih la ni pon sakit lg.padahal jatuhnye dah 3 tahun.gara2 derma darah punye pasal le nih.eei nk balik ceat laa arini.dok kt lab lame2 pon,keje mcm #$%^^&**& jugak.tp if ponteng tu mmg cr maut la kan.br td sume kne warning,tak bleh breakfast after 8.30am...eieiiii bibjgiojgigionbngntjgntjrlfmmmrgngjbnh bmhgjfri gtrotoij mbntigtriwg (sorry,ini bahasa german!aku je paham)

Tazkirah?

Saya tidak memiliki sesiapa dan saya tidak dimiliki oleh sesiapa

Saya milik-NYA

Dunia ini sendiri adalah satu pinjaman jadi segala-gala yang ada di dalamnya juga adalah pinjaman

Tubuh badan saya bukan milik saya

Ilmu yg saya ada bukan milik saya

Ibubapa dan ahli keluarga saya bukan milik saya

Harta saya bukan milik saya

Semuanya adalah pinjaman

Kesemuanya adalah pinjaman –pinjaman yang bukan milik saya dan oleh itu saya perlu menjaga kesemua pinjaman ini dengan baik sebab suatu hari nanti pemiliknya akan menuntut semula pinjaman-pinjaman ini

Jadi tidak perlu bersedih apabila pinjaman-pinjaman ini dituntut semula

Tidak ada yang hebat tentang diri saya dan oleh itu tidak ada apa yang boleh dibanggakan atau disombongkan

Tubuh saya hanyalah pakaian bagi roh saya yang suatu hari nanti hanya menjadi makanan cacing di dalam tanah

I drafted this thing a few days after my cousin passed away. it was from the bottom of my heart,dat time(and ble baca balik now,rasa mcm ntah leee,poyo?)!tp tulah keinsafan/kesedaran manusia macam kopi panas.lepas a few minutes tinggal atas meja tu,sejuk le die.tetapi tak dinafikan kematian memang menginsafkan tp nak kekalkan keinsafan tu,susah!sampai kadang2 rasa nk mati waktu tgh insaf tu sbb tau keinsafan tu tak lama...harap2 nyawa sy dicabut dalam keadaan sy beriman.

dan menjadi lumrah,walau sayang macam mane pon kita kt seseorang tu,ble org tu meninggal,sedih kte tak akan lama,tak akan untuk seumur hidup!life goes on...

ble kte redha dan sedar status kte sbg hamba and dunia ni tak kekal,hati pon rasa tenang sbb mcm tak koser nk tension2 pasal labwork laa,income/duit,masalah/kerenah family &bf and etc.dan juga tak risau melebih pasal future laa whether marriage nnt will work or tak or bf tukar jd monster lepas tukar jd husband and etc and oohhh tak takot melebih ble kne present ke ape...and of course tak rasa diri ini loser sbb tak dpt jadik doctor!tapi tulah,dapat rasa bende tu kejap je and bile that feeling hilang,tak tau nk dapat balik dr mana...sigh...

Cry baby...

I think now i'm too dependent!However I don't really depend on everyone but only to some people,yeah that one PERSON!I think i said this before,i used to be very independent,at least the most independent one among my siblings.but look at me now,a clerk in the treasury/dean office can cause me to shed tears.such a cry baby i am!!!gediks okkkk,eeeiiiyuuu soooo not me but unfortunately that's the new me.Should i blame him?hehehehehe...not only that,now i can no longer eat or go anywhere alone.Well,not that i can't but it's just that I no longer feel comfortable walking/eating alone like last time that I always need someone to accompany me.Last time i used to go jalan2 alone.I went to KLCC or midvalley alone and I can jln2 for few hours!
When i become a wife & mother,i do not want to be the manja kind of woman who rely too much on the husband.but of course not too independent that the husband become dependent and can't make any decision.Well,knowing him (assuming that i marry him,not assuming but praying that i will marry him!),he's definitely not the dependent type of person that sometimes I think he has the tendency to be the domineering type.and guess what,that was my mom's first impression of him!If i continue to be like this,when i get married,I think I will have no say!

quick one...

kalau la blog ni maseh kekal sampai aku ada cucu,SUMPAH aku tak bagitau dorang kewujudan blog nih.mesti dorang kata nenek dorang nih harap muka je comel tp sgt membosankan hahahahaha.banyak jugak bende nk dicrite tp tak tau mcm mane nk narrate it in a interesting way!

oh yeee...saya berjaya dapat scholarship ittew!!!!!hehehehehe...interviewer2 sy tu patut rasa lega sbb if sy tak dapat,sy mmg dah rancang nk black mail diaorang,HAHAHAHAHAHA...

dah lebih seminggu my cousin pulang ke rahmatullah...sedih maseh terasa especially ble tgk mak die tp at the same time kebencian mula terbentuk.meluat plak aku tgk abg2 ipaq die!aku tertipu dgn tangisan tak bleh blah dorang pd hari die meninggal tu.campor insurans,SOCSO,rumah and etc,arwah my cousin,mak bapak die dapatla dlm half a million!so dah bleh nampak symbol $ kt mata abg2 ipar die.my uncle pon rasanye sama gak.yg lg best,abg ipar die punye abg turut sama dlm operasi sapu-menyapu...dorang nih tak penah nampak duit ke?br banyak tu,dah tak senang duduk..takdelaaa aku kata aku nmpk duit byk tp cara dorang tu mcm tak penah nmpk duit.mmg tak penah pon kot...ok...ok...lantak korang laaa esok kt sane jawab la yehhh...slamat berjaya!
aku plak terpikir,if aku yg pegi,hutang PTPTN jelah yg aku tinggal sebagai pusaka bt mak bapak aku!manala aku ni ada gheta,satu haram pon takde.cousin aku tu,SPM je tp tgk la skang mak bapak die hidup senang wpon die dah takde.itulah rezeki..tak semestinye yg blajo tinggi je berjaya..tp aku pon tak penah pandang rendah kt org tak blajo tinggi,aku pon bknnnye pandai.klau pandai,dah lame aku jadik doctor!!!lgsatu, jiran aku tuh dulu katanye jual paper je skang nih,punyela masyukk...rumah dia besar sampai dalam siap ada taman.nasib baik die tak beli satu deret rumah nih,klau tak aku ngan family kne pindah dok bawah jembatan ler...(eh tp die sape soka2 hati nk bli satu deret kan?byk cantek nk suh aku ngan family dok bawah jambatan!)
ok tukar tajuk skittt...aku kan mmg la tak koser dgn bdk2 laki xxxi...semuanye spoiled brats!harap mak bapak je kaya and dorang tau nk berlagak je...klau suruh bt duit sendiri bleh ke?so jgn nk berlagak 24 jam yehh...mmg dorang pandai,score bt medic,engineering sume tp aku rasa tang bt duit tu,dorang tak brape nk kreatif.and aku tgk,wpon dah ada anak,still dok melepak kt Jxxxxa lg sambil rasa diri tu bagus sgt...aku tgk korang geli okkkk...(apasal aku tetibe emo ngan bdk2 xxxi plak nih?teringat zaman skolah barangkali...)

keje lab aku mcm x%$&&*% jugak lagik...tp tak mau tension ah...life is short...jd takkan laaaa nk sedih je memanjang.mane la tau esok sudah tiada..chewahhhh...babai...

Life is short...

He passed away a few minutes ago.I thought he will win his battle but I was wrong.Life is short huh...sooo short that it's not worthy to fill it with hatred,grudge,anger,jealousy and other negative feelings.Yesterday is history which will never come back,tomorrow is still not ours and full of uncertainties.Today is reality and this is life!so live today to the fullest!

Foreigners...

Saya rasa xxxi mcm dah tak selamat mcm dulu.banyak sgt kes2 jenayah yg berlaku kt kawasan perumahan sy nih.1-2 bulan lepas seorang lelaki ditetak tgnnye oleh seorang lelaki indon dan kereta BMW 5 series die dilarikan dan tempat kejadian hanye beberapa langkah dr rumah sy.Then after that,seorang pembantu rumah dibunuh di rumah majikannya dan dipercayai dibunuh oleh bf nye sbb jealous.then my tuition teacher zaman skolah dulu kne rompak dan perompak tu siap letak parang kt leher die dan ini berlaku pg dalam pukul lapan.husband cikgu sy tu bekas pegawai polis dan rasanye dulu berjawatan tinggi la jugak sbb die ber-title dato'.rumahnye cikgu sy tu pula betul2 dihadapan main road yeh!dan terbaru semalam!tgh hari smalam kitorang menyaksikan aksi 3 org pegawai polis bersaiz org lidi sedang mengejar seorang lelaki yg saiz badannye 3x ganda lebih besar dr mereka.sebijik mcm dalam drama gerak khas sampai sy ingat itu lakonan.tak tau knape tp nampak mcm berlakon.lelaki yg dikejar tu mmg berpakaian kemas dgn sluar tiga suku,t-shirt,cap dan kasut adidas!tgk gaya mmg tak percaya die cuba merompak sebuah rumah yg sederet dgn rumah sy!setelah jenuh kejar,polis2 tu pn dapat tangkap die tp disebabkan badan die mcm bapak gajah,die tolak polis2 tuh and lari lg.tp lepas tu polis2 dapat tangkap jugak le sbb die dah pancit kott.ble dpt tu,polis tu gari and blasah le die bak kata my cousin,mcm mak2 yg pukul anak die sbb kne tangkap basah.u know,yg pukul kt blakang tu,sambil menangis tuh (tp polis2 tu takde la menangis kann...).rupe perompak tu macam arab but actually he's a Peruvian!Actually there were 4 of them,3 men and a woman.The woman and one of the men were caught but the other two escaped.Maybe they're still somewhere in the neighborhood,scary eh!bayangkan betape beraninye depa nih,cuba merompak pd waktu tgh hari pada hari ahad!it seems that dorang nih masuk sini dgn student visa.ini trend skang,masuk sini dgn student visa tp bkn pegi blajar tp bt macam2 jenayah!
Sy rasa negara kte nih dah byk sgt foreigners sampai kte dah sampai satu tahap di mana bila kte pegi sesetengah tempat tu,kte yg malaysian nih,dah terasa mcm pendatang!cthnye,chow kit & kg kayu ara yg padat dgn indon dan dorang dah jadikan tempat tu sbg dorang punye kawasan.dgn bestnye meniaga mcm2 kt situ.dr gerai makanan tepi2 jalan hinggalah kedai2 runcit besar yg supply barang untuk restoran2 besar milik malaysian!cuba pegi kt chow kit tu and pegi kira brape org malaysia yg meniaga dan berapa ramai org indon yg meniaga!peniaga2 malaysia nih dgn kne bayar sewa,lesen,cukai dan lain2 lg tp indon2 nih hanye perlu meja,dan bahan mentah untuk masak,untuk membolehkan dorang meniaga dan dapat pendapatan yg sama dgn peniaga2 sah yg lain!dan lg best,dorang akan simpan duit dorang tu sume dan bulat2 hantor ke negara dorang!dorang tak perlu kluar duit yg banyak untuk perbelanjaan hidup kt sini sbb biasanye baju,pinggan mangkuk & bende2 lain biasanya dorang dapat dr geng2 dorang yg keje sbg pembantu rumah di mana majikan mereka yg murah hati sedekahkan kt dorang brg2 yg dah tak pakai.jd jgn terkejut klau dorang punye pinggan,baju hape sume mmg yg jenis branded yeh.yelah klau dah keje kt umah tan sri or dato' kan!tak salah sedekah,itu bkn point saya tp ape yg sy nk cakap kt sini,rakyat kte sendiri byk hidup merempat sedangkan para2 pendatang yg dgn & tanpa izin hidup bermewah-mewahan.bg yg keje kt sektor pembinaan ni plak,mereka akan keje dulu dgn majikan dorang dalam suatu jangka masa tertentu untuk mendapatkan kemahiran,and then dorang akan bukak perniagaan sendiri dimana mereka amik upah renovate rumah ke apa.tak dinafikan hasil kerje dorang mmg elok tp harganye murah drp bt renovation ngan tokeh cina.so sape taknak kan?tgk betape bijaknye dorang menggunakan semua peluang yg ada.tak salah jika dorang dtg sini kerja keras dan hidup senang,masalahnye ialah dorang ni meniaga secara haram tanpa lesen dan hidup bermewah-mewahan.selain itu,kenaikan harga minyak tidaklah begitu memberi masalah kpd mereka!
dan lg satu,di jalan masjid india tu,kan kononnye dah dinaik taraf so peniaga2 bumiputra nih diberikan satu lot yg ala2 gerai kt dorang and dorang yg bijak pandai nih pegi jual kt indon2 yg rata2 IC merah n setengah tu mmg yg tanpa izin nih utk meniaga!sebulan,pendapatan dorang mencecah 4 angka yeh!dan lg satu...brape byk anak2 dorang yg berIC merah nih yg masuk IPTA.IC merah,bkn bumiputra yeh!!dan lg best dorang dgn penuh bangga bleh ckp yg dorang tak takut dgn penguatkuasa nih sume sbb katanye penguatkuasa kte nih sume senang je nk handle,blanje teh tarik segelas pon dah bleh lepas!sy byk kali dgr sendiri kenyataan2 seperti ini!!!tp apa nk dikata,sy juga pernah nmpk sendiri kebenaran kenyataan depa nih,sigh...
kte mmg perlukan tenaga2 kerja di kebanyakan sektor tp kte tak perlu peniaga2 haram nih!

"alaa takk mati ponn"!

my sis pinjam my phone smalam nk sms bf die.rupenye bkn pinjam phone je,siap pinjam name skali okkk!die delete yg sent items tp die tak tau ada delivery report so i dpt le bc serpihan2 sms yg die anto kt bf die wpun tak penuh tp bleh dptle the gist of it.kononnye i marah bf die sbb bt mcm tu,(bkn ape sgt,sbb tak angkat phone rasanye...) and mcm2 lg ayat2 lain yg soooo not me yg membuatkan i nk tergelak gle baca, sgt klakar okkk...tp sy tak nk kritik or judge,masing2 mungkin ada cara tersendiri untuk handle problem masing2 dan dalam keadaan yg sgt tensi kte akan lakukan ape saje untuk kurangkan tekanan kte wpun sebenarnye cr itu tak menyelesaikan masalah kte dan sometimes mungkin akan burukkan lg keadaan.i sendiri pon pernah ble gaduh ngan my bf bt bende2 yg suatu ketika dulu i rasakan bodoh dan i takkan bt tp bt jugak and ble pikir balik rasa menyesal.ini semua sbb kte tend to besarkan bende yg tak besar mane and rase sesuatu problem besar sgt and rasa mcm boleh membunuh kte!padahal, sume yg i risau and takott melebih tu sumenye hal2 duniawi yg sesekali tak akan bunuh i.senang nk cakap ble takde masalah tp berada dlm situasi tu,sgt susah untuk maintain kewarasan kte.senang if dalam apa jua keadaan i bleh ingatkan diri sendiri "alaa takk mati ponn"!

Apa yg sudah pergi,biarkanlah ia pergi...

"......Bagi org2 yg waras,fail masa lalu itu sepatutnya dilipat dan disimpan, bukan dibuka dan dipersoalkan.Ia perlu ditutup buat selama-lamanya dan dikurung di dalam penjara kelupaan,diikat dgn gari di dalam kurungan yg kuat hingga ia tidak dapat keluar.Ianya perlu diperap sedemikian rupa suoaya ia tidak terkena cahaya,sebab ia adalah sesuatu yg sudah berlalu dan sudah selesai.Maka ia tidak mungkin kembali dgn apa juga kesedihan,tidak dapat diubah dan diperbaiki dgn apa juga kedukaan,tidak dapat dihadirkan semula dgn apa juga kegelisahan dan tidak dapat dihidupkan semula dgn apa juga kebingungan- ia adalah sesuatu yg sudah tiada.....
.......Jangan biarkan hidupmu dihantui masa lalu,jangan biarkan dirimu sentiasa dibayangi2 oleh sesuatu yg sudah berlalu.Lepaskanlah dirimu dari pengaruh dan bayangan masa lampau.....
.....Sesungguhnya meratapi masa lalu dan menangisinya akan membuatmu terbakar dengan apinya.Kembali ke pangkuan masa lalu sama sahaja dengan meletakkan anda dalam kemelut dan tragedi yg dahsyat dan menakutkan..."


Jangan Bersedih
Don't Be Sad
-'AIDH BIN ABDULLAH AL-QARNI-

Peringatan untuk diri sendiri!

Torture...

Last night sewaktu i tgh tgk gambar2 yg my bf transfer dlm my pendrive,i terlihat satu gambar yg membuatkan i rasa ntah!tak tahu whether nk ambil kisah or tak.gambar die tgh dgn muka yg happy peluk pinggang sorang mat saleh pompuan nih.perlukah sy berasa jealous and make fuss about it?ntah...rasa macam marah tp i tak ckp pon dgn die,bt bodo je.actually ada lg satu gambar die tangkap ngan sorang lg mat saleh tp yg tu tak kesah sgt sbb pompuan tu yg letak tgn atas die tp yg ni die yg beriya-iya peluk pinggang minah tu(takde laa beriya-iya sgt,itu exaggeration!).my youngest sister pon tgk skali and ble nampak gambo tu die bantai gelak gle2 sbb muka my bf mmg tak bleh blah punye excited,hahaha...before die transfer the pics die sibok delete2 gambar and the die kata die nk delete gambo kawan die sbb die kata bt ape nk bg gambo kwn die kt i.waktu die delete tu, i kt sebelah die sambil tgk gambar yg die delete and die tanye i takot die delete gambar die ngan pompuan lain ke tp i tak terpikir pon pasal tu...tp i pon takde la pulak nampak sume gambo yg die delete tuh..ntah laaa...tp i rasa mcm bangang lah nk pi besar2 kan bende nih sbb bkn ada pon cuma terfikir kalaulah bf my sis yg tangkap gambo mcm tu,mmg dah gile bf die kne torture sbb sepanjang weekend lepas die hanye gaduh beso ngan bf die just because bf die bukak frienster account,boleh tak?tp i nk nasihatkan pon malas and rasa takde gunanye sbb die dah mmg mcm tu dr kecik.die mmg takbleh hidup tanpa 'torture'!if die tak torture org lain,die akan torture diri die sendiri.i pon tak paham.thats why ble die ada bf i rasa mcm lega sbb die dah ada org lain untuk di'torture'.klau dulu, i lah yg jadi mangsa torture die.i kesian gak dgn bf die.ntah laa bkn die tak syg bf die, syg melampau!die byk sacrifice n bt mcm2 tp ble asyik torture je org tu, mcm mane org tu nk appreciate ape yg die bt kan?ntahlaaa tak tau nk ckp n nk bt cemane...

Mr Hyde is back!

Semenjak balik dr france nih my bf horny memanjang dan mula mencari pasal dgn i.tak tau ape yg die nampak kt france tu!mula balik meyakitkan hati i dgn mengungkit crite lama dalam cara yg menyakitkan,melukakan & mematahkan hati.That one week in France had turned him into Mr Hyde again after so long being Dr Jekyll.I just hate Mr Hyde!I cannot turn back and so I cannot change the past.Thus i want to accept the past and change the future but raving up the past in a sarcastic and heartbreaking manner is not going to help.Sgt tak larat nk gaduh2 nih...and die expect i cool down in 2 seconds!Petang smalam punyelaa beriya2 bg ceramah motivasi kt i pasal positive thinking laa achieving life goal laa ape laa and then malam trus bt perangai!dulu mmg i banyak bt salah tp now i rasa i dah bt my level best and i do it because i want to and so he don't have to raise the issue about me getting bored of him or me being forced to be with him.I have the choice and this is my choice,to love him and to be with him!when i thought my life is sailing smoothly,the wave came to attack and now i'm drowning...

Lepas tu pulak,dah penat2 td aku anto kt die sms2 berayat drama,bleh la plak die reply "syg, r u there?" as if aku plak yg tak reply sms die..oohhh apakah?ni membuatkan aku rasa nk tonyoh je hidung die yg mcm belatuk tuh!pastu br ni,baru kejap ni,bleh plak die miskol...bkn call tp miskol,bolehkah?so now i think i should scroll down to this.

My cousin...

My cousin met an accident last thursday and now in a critical condition.He's having internal bleeding in 3 parts of his brain that the doctors have to wait for the bleeding to stop before they could proceed with any surgery plus his neck bone as well as his rib cage fractured.The chance of surviving is only 50%.I was not that close with him,not at all as he used to be a very quiet and timid boy.and ouuhh he's young,my age!I went to visit him in ICU that night and since then I just can't get his suffering face out of my mind.However I am glad that i actually went to visit him because at first I didn't have any plan to visit him and wanted to go home straight before my sister suggested that we pay him a visit since the hospital is on the same way. When i went to visit him,his parents were on their way and they were only informed that their only son who also happen to be their youngest child met an accident but they didn't know that he was in a critical condition.The ICU waiting room was full with sombre faces and I didn't know what to say to console them that I had decided to go to the prayers room recite him a Yaasin as I thought that was the only thing I can do for him.I pray hard for him to win his battle...

6245 miles away...

Yesterday he was in Paris
by now I think he's gone to Strasbourg
he's 6245 miles away from moi!



My other half and I went for our first date for this year one day before his departure to paris
as usual,our date started with a drama...running & chasing...we are the drama king & queen!
and that only add to the severity of my superstitiousness!it made me believe that we will fight every time we go out...sigh...

Fair Fight Guidelines

Fair Fight Guidelines

• Remember the point of the fight is to reach a solution, not to win, be right, or make your partner wrong.

• Don't try to mind read. Ask instead what he or she is thinking.

• Don't bring up all the prior problems that relate to this one. Leave the past in the past; keep this about one recent problem. Solve one thing at a time.

• Keep the process simple. State the problem, suggest some alternatives, and choose a solution together.
• Don't talk too much at once. Keep your statements to two or three sentences. Your partner will not be able to grasp more than that.
• Give your partner a chance to respond and to suggest options.
• Practice equality. If something is important enough to one of you, it will inevitably be important to both of you, so honor your partner's need to solve a problem.
• Ask and Answer questions directly. Again, keep it as simple as possible. Let your partner know you hear him or her.
• State your problem as a request, not a demand. To make it a positive request, use "I messages" and "please".
• Don't use power struggle tactics: guilt and obligation, threats and emotional blackmail, courtroom logic: peacekeeping, sacrificing, or hammering away are off limits.
• Know your facts: If you're going to fight for something, know the facts about the problem: Do research, find out what options are available, and know how you feel and what would solve the problem for you.
• Ask for changes in behavior, don't criticize character, ethics or morals.
• Don't fight over who's right or wrong. Opinions are opinions, and that won't solve the problem. Instead, focus on what will work.
• Ask your partner if he or she has anything to add to the discussion. "Is there anything else we need to discuss now?"
• Don't guess what your partner is thinking or feeling. Instead, ask. "What do you think?" Or "How do you feel about it?"
• Hold hands, look at each other, and remember you're partners.
• If you're angry, express it calmly. "I'm angry about ..." There's no need for drama, and it won't get you what you want. Anger is satisfied by being acknowledged, and by creating change. Anger is a normal emotion -- rage is phony, it's drama created by not taking care of yourself.
• Acknowledged and honor your partner's feelings -- don't deflect them, laugh at them or freak out. They're only feelings, and they subside when respected, heard and honored.
• Listen with your whole self. Paraphrase what your partner says; check to see if you understand by repeating what is said. "So you are angry because you think I ignored you. Is that right?"
• No personal attacks or criticism. Focus on solving the problem.
• If you want to let off steam (vent), ask permission or take a time out. Handle your excess emotion or energy by being active (run, walk, hit a pillow,) writing, or talking to someone who is not part of the problem. Don't direct it personally at anyone. You can't vent and solve problems at the same time.
• Don't try to solve a problem if you're impaired: tired, hungry, drunk or unstable.

• Surrender to your responsibility. When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it, and apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

by; Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D


copied and pasted from here

Happy Mother's day!

Today is Mother's day!I haven't wish my mom.This mother's day wishing thing is not our culture but I think we are still a happy family.Well not that i'm saying that this mother's day is not important but it's just that my mom is not the type of person who expect her children to wish her, happy birthday,happy mother's day or stuff like that.Just bring her back a good result and she'll be A okay!but we don't do that often,sigh!
Ok so this morning my other half called me and asked me to call his mom and i was like "why?, what for?".silly me!!!I had totally forgotten that today is mother's day the idea of wishing his mom never cross my mind!And probably the reason why bf wants me to wish his mother was because his brother's gf had called his mom earlier to wish her.And so i called his mom and our conversation only lasted for ,hmmm let me recall...5 seconds?arghhhh i feel terrible!!!i dunno..i feel silly,stupid,arghhh...and i also feel that she doesn't like moi!!!She don't know what to say and i don't what to say.I don't know why people are always not comfortable with me,always think that I'm a snobbish person.Maybe i am or maybe conversation,speech,talk,socializing is just not what i'm good in.and ohhh dearie me!do i have to compete with my bf's brother's gf to win his mother's heart?Noooooo...this is why marriage institution sometimes scares me!there are too many issues,things and people to take into account.I really need some advice on how to enhance my relationship with my future mother in-law!

to my beloved mother;
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY,MA!

5 perkara pertama....

I was tagged by Ectopy
so here it goes;
5 perkara pertama yg terjadi dalam hidup

1)Pertama kali berjauhan dari family,chewahhhh

First time jauh dr rumah was when i got an offer to do my pre-U at matriculation centre in xxxxx.I ingat lagi i dihantar ke padang jarak padang terkukur tu on thursday tp ingat tarikhnye.my parents and siblings yg hantar except Pxxx tak ikut sbb die ada exam kot kt skolah.dah antar tu biasalah die bg masa la nk kemas bilik sume and then before 6pm if tak silap,sume parents kne balik.time tuuu kitorang sume punyelaaaa nangis,mmg nangis takk hengat okkk!!dgn my dad skali airmata berlinang-linang.my family time tu ibarat menghantar i untuk pegi jalani hukum gantung plak!heheheh mcm laaa i tak nangis...i punyeee nangis jgn crite laaa.siap dah panjat tangga nk gi bilik tuh pon tangan dok melambai lg.termasuk i,ada 6 org budak xtxx yg tercampak kt situ.itulah tempat yg paling i takkk soka(time dulu laaa if skang ni,tak kesah sgt kot).albeit there are six of xtxxians there but i'm not very close to them since high school so i was kind of lonely ler.kt sana, we all tak bleh bawak handphone tp i harus la ada handphone kan my parents akan call every night or tak pon i yg akan call umah!kt sana my friends ni sume panggil i manje!padahal yg my roommate lg la manje sbb die tu anak tunggal & die pon call parents die everyday gak siap parents dtg every week without fail just untuk bawak stock makanan untuk die.kitorang budak xtxx ni sume mmg laa tak tahan dok sana.kitorang bleh balik umah once a month je so balik umah on friday,sunday afternoon dah kne balik tempat tu before 6 pm!so time tu,pagi ahad je sapepon mmg takkan bleh nampak i senyum laaa kan.and then yg lg i taknak dok situ sbb penah skali time my parents hantar i balik sana,i kne marah dgn pak guard sbb x pakai baju kurung!bengong punye pak guard...lepas result JPA kluar ramai la kluar sbb dpt offer pegi oversea,i tak apply pon JPA sbb ntah,tak penah tau n ambik tau pasal scolarship nih sume.my roommate dpt so die kluar.then my friend sorang lg kluar pi JPA gak,sorang lg kluar sbb family migrate ke US and then sorang lg kluar sbb dpt offer JPA 2nd intake.last2 tinggal i ngan sorang lg je.tp my friend sorang tu je yg survive kt sana,sbb a few months later i plak angkat kaki dr sana dan dok umah bt STPM,ramai org kata pilihan bodoh tp ntahla...tp my friend tu lepas result matrix n UPU kluar,die plak migrate ngan her family to NZ,tak silap pointer die gempaq gak...

2)Pertama kali berjumpa dgn my bf
Ini terjadi a few years back,takde lah lama sgt!I kenal dgn my bf ni dr satu this dating web or whatever we call it lah kan known as LoveHappens.Mmg klakar dan pelik sbb i tak penah minat dan percaya bende2 ni tp ntah mcm mane saje gatal laaa plak n my bf pon kata die pon die punye student ke ape ntah yg masukkan.so die pon msg i n from there we exchanged email n start to email each other.From his email,i rasa yg die ni sgt laa polite n bkn jenis yg gatal2 nih.Then he gave his no. but i never had the guts to call until laaa skali tu i tgh tension ngan this one maths paper ni that i had called him.so lepas tu kitorang call2 sume.Then one day die kata die ada around my campus kt xx dulu and die nk jumpe so i pon macam terkejut laa sbb takde plan nk jumpe lg kan.I tak bgtau pon my lab kt mane tp he managed to find my lab and budged in to my lab.I was so shocked that i had asked him to go back...jahat kan?kesian die,dahla basah kne hujannye.tp lg satu sbb i takot mak2 tiri nampak.my friends 2 org ni were like "kesian die tau, sha suh die balik.td ble die nampak muke sha die excited mcm nampak isteri!".i pon tak tau why budak2 tu ckp mcm tu,i mean isteri?mcm pelik laa kan.Then i pegi la kejar die n soh die tunggu i siapkan keje skit.ohh ye,die siap pakai labcoat okkk...

3)Pertama kali dilawati Ms red spot
Ini terjadi sewaktu i berumur 13 tahun.time tu bolan pose if tak silap.i skolah ptg time tu and then balik dr skolah dlm 6 lebih tetibe nampak ada brownish stain on my panty and i pon sgt laa takut.i dah tau,ni tak lain tak bokan,i dah jd anak dara la nih,chewahh.tatapi permasalahannye ialah bagaimana hendak ku kabarkan pada ibuku?i ada la bt a few attempts untuk bg tau tp tak terdaya.yg mentensionkan i ialah,my eldest sis blom kne and then tetibe i plak dah kne so i tak tau nk turn to sape and rase macam malu ke ape plak sbb kne dulu dr my sis.and untuk pengetahuan sume,sy telah merahsiakan perkara tersebut selama 6 bulan!!!!!!i pon tak tau mcm mane i bleh survive!tp kadang2 tu penah jugak laaa bt2 solat walaupun tgh period,bleh tak?then 6 months after i kne,my sis plak kne and die dgn penuh gabranye telah memberitahu kt i.i pon slamba laa ckp i dah kne.my sister sgt rapat ngan my mom so bgtau terus and time tu br my mom tau i dah kne.since then my mom mmg agak risau dgn i sbb die rasa i ni perahsia sgt n from then if muka i lain skit pon sbb penat ke apa,die akan tanye bertubi-tubi ape masalah i....eh apasal banyak no 6 plak nih ye?

4)Pertama kali memperkenalkan lelaki kpd my parents
I sebenarnye maleh nk cite yg ni tp sbb nk cukupkan lima so no choice lah!I kenalkan my bf ni yg merupakan lelaki pertama yg i kenalkan kepada my parents during my convo.tp sgt mentensionkan...i lah satu-satunye org yg menangis di hari convo!after that day i telah diberi amaran oleh my parents not to see him again but tau2 jelah kan...takkan bleh laa i tak jumpe die kann.everyday jumpe n lepas ni pon nk pegi jumpe okkkk...

5)pertama kali pegi interview
Itulah yg i ada cite kt sini aritu...tulah my interview!I manage to answer all their questions n ntah laaa i rasa if dorang nk evaluate i, i rasa i punye presentation tu ok lah tp permasalahnnye drang mempertikaikan my project.yeah that ENCIK,pertikaikan my project yg telah dicadangkan kpd i oleh seorang PROF!maleh nk cakap dah la kan...tp mmg la patut apply under cluster lain sbb org2 ni tak paham project our group nih kot...

selesai sudah lah sy dgn tag ini....

blogger nih dah main gile balik,tulisan jd kecikkk...


Al-fatihah to Tan Sri S.M Nasimuddin S.M Amin.May ALLAH bless his soul.Ameen....

tak jadi lg!

kenape tak jd lagi?
sy tak larat dah!!!
berape kali i nk kne repeat?
dengki!!!!!!

I agree!

I came across a quote in reader's digest which goes something like this;

some people are too open minded that their brains fall out!
by:
~sorry,couldn't recall!~

Gene=S*tan?

Today is his birthday...he's very busy lately so busy that last night when I call him to wish him birthday, he actually goes like "eh is it today?"...melampau!birthday sendiri pon tak ingat but then that one I can tolerate but if he forgets my birthday...ahhhaaa that one I cannot tolerate!!!well, not really kot...i takdelah nk marah kot if die lupe...knowing how busy he is,i tak kesah kott!ntahlaa kan tp...birthday i aritu i tot die lupe but he wished me at 12ish tp hadiah takdak pon and i tak kesah pon...

so anyway yesterday i went to OU with my sis and cousin because i wanted to buy a pair of shoes for my other half and i need them to choose it for me.i bab2 pilih ni mmg agak faaoull but my sis mmg pandai be it for men or women or even babies!she got it from my mom...my cousin asked me how much is my budget and when I told him, he asked what my BF gave me for my birthday...so i spontaneously answered..."rocket!" and he was like "eeeeei ye ke?",hekeleh mesti die pikir lain,padahal what i meant was the real one yg bleh terbang tu!...padahal takde pon my BF bg ape2 lg,die kata tgh bt...ntah...then after buying the shoes we ate at this fast food outlet and watched a movie,the forbidden kingdom.i tak minat sgt kungfu2 ni tp dah budak tu beriya nk tgk,layan jelah...

This morning i was so excited to give him the present but it was so difficult for me to meet him...die nk pegi itulah inilah tak mandi lg laa,sakit tulang blakang lah,ntah die..tetibe rasa geram plak tp td after lunch dah bg arr kt die n die pakai terus...cantekk gak although mcm kasut gay skit...tp i suke je tgk sbb yesterday mmg i suh my sis pilih yg mcm gay2 skit...klau tak die nmpk skema sgt!!!hari ni mcm geram je...16 jam dok dlm ni last weekend takde makne wei!!!pcr takde band,macam setan jee i tgk gel tu!!!kne la plak i repeat okkk...ini bukan gene ni,ini setannnn!!!maleh btoi laaa dok kt sini lg 16 jam...

i typed this entry yesterday but something went wrong that i couldn't post it...